I began to perceive the world from that mysterious place "between what is seen and unseen." Poetry was the only way for me to chronicle and give shape to the internal changes I was undergoing. The soul has its own love of unconventional language, and would often produce images in my consciousness for its own comfort. I would spend many hours being comforted by the exquisite truths languaged by the inner poet, salving the wounds to the soul that seemed to come from the soul's own trickery. There seemed to be a soul within the soul, wounding and healing like the ebb and flow of the tides. Poetic language points to what cannot be described in ordinary words. I have been the beneficiary of this grace, marveling over and over again at the process alive in me.
During this time, I did not have the luxury of a human guide. Instead, an internal, indescribable presence guided me through a vast array of experiences far beyond my initial capacity to comprehend. Like most modern initiations, mine was pressed upon me from transpersonal powers that were both from within and far beyond my psyche. Dreams played an enormously significant role in this initiation, carrying me when I could no longer carry myself. What I lacked in human direction, the dream provided, as it became a constant source of guidance, love, encouragement and more often than not, troubled me into a largeness necessary to comprehend the ever deepening mysteries of Her vastness and the possibility of a sacred sexuality. Without the perspective of the dream to sort the bewildering events surrounding me, I would have had to terminate the process and rob myself of its grace.
The book is organized around twelve specific teachings that were given to me, fully formed, in a series of dreams. In another tradition these teachings would be called "koans," i.e. arresting statements of paradox that invite the recipient into contemplation and thereby delve deeper into their mystery. Because dreams were an integral part of my process, I have kept the language in those teachings exactly as they were delivered. They offer an opportunity to interact with mysteries where sexuality, sensuality, and spirituality meet.
I am happy to present this work, not only as an description of this process, but to honor as deeply as I know how, the reality and presence of the She One who established her reality so firmly in my heart. This is to celebrate our work together, our joy and conflict, the love She has for me and the love I have for Her. It is to acknowledge Her patience to continue to find ways of bringing Her reality to me, and to acknowledge my ability to stand in enormous pain and confusion as She undid my life to allow something new to grow.
I dedicate this work to this unnameable "She." I know this mystery by many names and in many guises. I know Her in Her hiding modes and modes of absolute clarity. I know Her as the one who draws me, pushes me, seduces me, and hammers me. I know Her most as the one who pursues me with a longing as intense as my own.
I invite you into the drama, the joy, the ecstasy, the longing, the pain, and the incompleteness of our journey in this life, loyally holding the sacred and the human, discovering how delicately the prism of consciousness reveals the nuances of their beauty.